Fixing a Hole
So, this weekend we had a concrete slab poured in our backyard because we’ll be building our new shed on top of it next weekend! Goodbye garage clutter!
Before the concrete stud muffins (friends, Jason and Johnny) went to work, I stuck the ipod in my back pocket and the ear buds where they belong and put Beatles, “Fixing A Hole” on Repeat. Then I commenced to digging a hole where the slab would soon be. Hey, guess what!? Digging is hard and theraputic! My muscles still hurt so good. And yes, I’m on a Beatles kick…again.
Anyway, in the hole went many parts of many past relationships…boys and girls alike (no actual boy and girl parts…although, I did find a foot). Shit went wrong somewhere along the way with those relationships…but at one time they were so so good. At one point, we were close and the world around us didn’t exist, or if it did, it was our oyster! For this reason, trash or ash just wouldn’t feel right. I needed to bury those things in a deep, cool, organic place and allow them to dissinegrate and fade away slowly.
I started this box of things quite a while ago. I’d come across an item and all it brought was sadness or anxiety…so in the box it went. I never thought I’d be adding Phillip to that box. This was the hard part, the surprising part. But, as I reviewed things before dropping them into the hole, I found parts of my past relationships that only went into that box because of Phillip…and now they didn’t cause me sadness anymore…so out of the box they came.
Later, I came back and watched the concrete being shoveled over where the hole had been re-filled with earth. Then as it was flattened out all smooth and neat, I could feel a calm come over me. As it dries, my decisions are being solidified. Decisions I made to end relationships or stand up for myself…decisions I made to stand my ground and not change who I am. And most recently, the decision to fix that hole…WITH a hole!
Fixing A Hole:
I’m fixing a hole where the rain gets in
and stops my mind from wondering
where it will go
I’m filling the cracks that ran though the door
and kept my mind from wondering
where it will go
And it really doesn’t matter if I’m wrong
I’m right where I belong
I’m right where I belong
See the people standing there
who disagree and never win
and wonder why they don’t get in my door
I’m painting my room in a colorful way,
and when my mind is wandering
there I will go
And it really doesn’t matter if I’m wrong
I’m right where I belong
I’m right where I belong
Silly people run around
they worry me and never ask me
why they don’t get past my door
I’m taking my time for a number of things
that weren’t important yesterday
and I still go
I’m fixing a hole where the rain gets in
and stops my mind from wondering
where it will go
where it will go
I’m fixing a hole where the rain gets in
and stops my mind from wondering
where it will go
