the big news
Well, I finally told Phillip today that I’m “dating someone.” We talk somewhat regularly and I felt really weird not telling him about the biggest, most wonderful news of the friggin’ century. Of course I didn’t say it that way. LOL
I emailed him partially because it’s really hard to get him on the phone (connectivity in Bisbee, AZ, time zone differences and schedule conflicts) but mostly because I didn’t know how he’d react and wanted to say everything I wanted to say without getting all flubby. Maybe it was a pussy thing to do, but he’s the kind of guy who needs to spend time with that news and process it…so, I’m feeling ok about it.
His response was something like, “Wow.” and “For my sake I hope it wasn’t anyone you were close to before we broke up.” but also, “I want you to be happy. I hope you are.” I expected the first thing would be for him to question, once again, my loyalty and devotion to him (while we were together, that is). I know it’s killing him wondering if it’s something I always wanted and now that we’re apart I can have that. This bugs the shit out of me, of course and I’ve got to remember my motives when it comes to talking to him about it. I have nothing to prove to him. Not anymore. It never worked before anyway…so, what’s the point? I just didn’t want him to be hurt in all of this. But if he’s hurt, it’s NOT MY FAULT. I gots ta be remindin’ myself of this.
Ok, I’m off work now…bye!
2 years ago