Not so bad…not so bad
Well, the weekend went pretty well (as far as Phillip is concerned). The rest of the weekend went really well. It was nice to spend a little time with him…we really didn’t hang out much, which was good (and planned). There were a couple of moments where we had to kind of reroute our natural, er trained reactions to each other. But, we managed it. I was kinda flipping out the day he got here, but when I saw him it was only mildly and briefly uncomfortable. I just had to remember that we were friends first. I miss my friend. But, that’s how the cookie crumbles. We’re still friends, but ya know…it’s not quite the same. So much history.
I think this is harder for him than he’s letting on. I think he took the first step in breaking up because he knew it was torturing me. He’s a kind man. He always wanted the best for me. I just think at times his views of what was best for me were kind of twisted. I know he never wanted to hurt me. I should have let on that I wasn’t happy with his decision to take that job. Well, I did tell him I didn’t like it, but I just didn’t tell him how floored I was that he took it. But, he worked so hard for it, and he had to start somewhere.
Anyway, it’s all the past now and I did learn a lot about myself. Hopefully I can practice the things I learned now and not be so damned agreeable! I don’t feel like I’ve lost anything. I have to feel this way if I’m going to move forward. I haven’t lost a friend. We might remain friends over the years, to what capacity, there is no way to know. If not, that’s ok because apparently, if it happens that way, that’s what felt right to us. I don’t feel like I’ve lost time. Yes, seven years is a long time, but who cares?! I’m not racing against time. I haven’t lost hope that I’ll find someone who loves me and treats me right and is good in bed! :) I’m a better person for my experiences. Power on!
Good man, just not the right man…
